Emotional Blackmail

In my short little life I've been in a few relationships with people that were emotionally draining, emotionally abusive and as I am now learning...emotionally blackmailing me. There is a situation that Shawn and I are currently dealing with that doesn't seem to be changing any time soon. For the last 3 months or so we have done everything within our power to try and change the other people involved. But we can't. The change has to first start within Shawn and I. Both of us are completely drained and beat down from the goings on of this thing. So today I did some research online for material that would help us deal with this.

And I found a book called "Emotional Blackmail". It's about people in your life who use fear, obligation, guilt, and manipulation to get what they want.

In this last months every person has found reason to point the blame on us to point to us why things aren't being rectified. I just started the book and on page 13 it offered it's first nugget of insight....

If people genuinely want to resolve conflict with you in a fair and caring way, they will:

*Talk openly about the conflict with you
*Find out about your feelings
*Find out why you are resisting what they want
*Accept responsibility for their part of the conflict

...You can be angry with someone without trying to beat them up emotionally. Disagreements, even strong ones, don't have to be mixed with insults or negative judgements.

If someones primary goal is to win, he or she will:
*Try to control you
*Ignore your protests
*Insist that his or her character and motives are superior to yours
*Avoid taking any responsibility for the problems between you

When you see that other people are trying to get their way regardless of the cost to you, you're looking at the bottom-line behavior of the emotional blackmailer.

It was so refreshing to see that what we had been feeling was real and quite frankly valid. Emotional blackmail is a viscous cycle that I know I've been on for a long time now. Its completely exhausting and I'm ready to get off the crazy carousal ride and move on.

I'm sure that as I delve further into the book other things will pop up, so I'll be posting them...Hope you don't mind......