I am just...

I was listening to one of those music channels on TV while I was cleaning the kitchen. And my favorite by Building429 came on. I love this song. My favorite Christian songs are the ones highlighting who God is. I mean...He's God. My favorite line is You are God and I am man. So I’ll leave it in Your hands. I am so extremely guilty of doing this life thing in my own strength, with my own mind. Surprise, surprise, I can't ever seem to figure it out. Why? Because it's not up to me to figure out. Trusting God in all aspects of my life has always been so hard but when I hear songs like these I realize that He is there for me and all the weight and burdens I've been carrying on my shoulders He wants to take them for me.

No one else knows-Building429


My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

Where do babies come from?

Ok I have to make another update about babies and Shawn. He was in his room watching MeerkKat Manor and comes out and starts talking about babies again. So I was asking if he was going to be nice, and let the baby play with his toys, etc. Then he starts telling me I have to go to the hospital and there will be lots of blood. And I said "Well where do babies come from?" want to know what he says? "There's a big circle and the babies wiggly and they go in and they change to a baby!!!"

Have you ever seen Look Who's Talking? He described the scene where the sperm fights its way in. Shawn said he used to watch that movie all the time!

I was rolling on the floor laughing because I did not expect that!

Oh and P.S. We aren't talking about babies because I'm pregnant. It just happenes to be little Shawn's favorite thing to bring up.

Why women have babies

Since the summer time little Shawn has been obsessed with us wanting to have a baby! Every time he sees a pregnant woman he's like "Oh mom, want a baby?" So today we are watching an old Friends episode where Rachel is pregnant and he gets up and starts talking about how I need to have a circle belly and he starts poking his stomach out and saying I need to get really fat. So we start talking about him being a big brother I asked what he wanted more a brother or a sister. So he says a sister, so I asked what he wanted to name the baby and first he said Sally and I was like "Uh no!" So he said "Oh after you mom. We can name the baby Alasierra!" (Alasierra-Alexandria). But the funny part was when he sits down in between Shawn and I and I said "Hey how about Dad has the baby!" and he was like "No mom he can't! He's a human boy! Plus he's smart!!!" Big Shawn was like "We're raising Archie Bunker!"

So there you have it according to our 6 year old boy women have babies because they aren't smart!

Nope-doesn't have a speech problem

Ok so in my post earlier today I was talking about little Shawn (aka The Kid) and how Shawn and I felt he had a speech problem. Well now I feel the need to correct my earlier statement and say he does not have one. After doing the book challenge with him we sent him to bed and I came out and was reading the speech book. While I'm reading it I'm like "He can say all of these words clearly" So I started reading the words to Shawn and we are both like he says those words, so we called him out to the living room. I knew he wasn't asleep yet, he goes to bed at 8, but doesn't fall asleep until like 9:30. Anyway we start quizzing him on some words that he should be able to say clearly. Run, Bring, Sun, Mother, Bath, and some others. And he says them all just fine. There was one things we noticed that he has problems with the \T/ sound. Like hurt, is hurk, after, mother, and father, he replaces the th with a d and so on. But we realized the biggest thing was the speed in which he said things. I said to him "Say 'Lets go to the beach'" He said 'Lets go to the bea" really fast but when we stopped him and told him to say each individual word he said it pretty clear. We were both relieved to find out it was just a speed and a slight fluency issue instead of something bigger. When Shawn first got custody of him at age 4 he said all he did was babble and mumble. Even when I met him in December he did the same thing. It's amazing the progress he has made since moving here in February. So now I need to make another trip to the library. We seriously go like everyday!

Now I gotta go because Private Practice is starting!! Woo-Hoo I'm so glad TV season is back. (I'm a TV addict!)

Learning to read

Last night was Shawn's first try at reading. The elementary has a 100 book challenge and so every night they bring home books to read. Last night Shawn brought home "Z". So after dinner all three of us settled in Shawn's room. The book itself only had four words in it. Zigzag, Zipper, Zero, and Zebra. We started out really good, the first word was Zebra. He got that one right away because it was accompanied by a picture. The next one after that was Zigzag. That one was a little bit harder but he sounded out all the letters and was able to read it (partially) he said Sigsag instead of Zigzag he has a bit of trouble was certain letters so today I went and got a book from the library about helping your child with his speech problems. Sometimes he's hard to understand, and because reading is starting it's important we start working on that now. But anyway when he got the word zigzag right me and his dad were screaming and tickling him and telling him how good he did. Then we got to zipper and he read it and we were like "Oh good job" and he was like "You have to scream and say 'Great job Shawn'!!!" Then the second time around he wanted to teach us how to do it. We were so proud of him to hear him read. We also got a big bike for him yesterday. We put it n his room until we can get training wheels and he laid in front of it all night while watching Animal Planet.

Go buy it!

Today everyone needs to go to Amazon.com and order Che'nelle's new CD Things happen for a reason The Arkitects (Shawn) have a song on the album. Number 3, Teach Me How To Dance. You may have also heard the song in the movie Take the lead

So do me a favor and go buy it!!!

Here's a review from an amazon.com user:
On her way!, September 7, 2007
By SexyBrownLioness "Lady Feline" (Linden, NJ USA) - See all my reviews

I happened to hear a promo cd and I liked it. I had to listen to it 2x to get the full appreciation of her voice. I like ALL OF THE SLOW TRACKS and more slower tracks could have been incorporated into the cd. A lot of the faster tracks sound the same. For some reason, "Teach Me How To Dance" is very inviting. Of all the songs on the cd, "Summer Jam" was my least favorite. Overall, I believe this young lady is very talented and it is refreshing to hear some new talent!

Be Unto Your Name

We are a moment, You are forever
Lord of the Ages, God before time
We are a vapor, You are eternal
Love everlasting, reigning on high

Chorus:
Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain
Highest praises, honor and glory
Be unto Your name, be unto Your name

We are the broken, You are the healer
Jesus, Redeemer, mighty to save
You are the love song we'll sing forever
Bowing before You, blessing Your name
~Lynn DeShazo & Gary Sadler

Calling on a Higher Authority

Remember a few post back I told you about the new book I'm reading Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. Well last night I got to the best part of the book. The part that my blackmailers most certainly use. It's called

Calling on a Higher Authority
When friends and family aren't sufficient reinforcement for emotional blackmailers, they may turn to a higher authority such as the Bible or other outside sources of knowledge or expertise, to shore up their positions. This form of pressure may sound as simple as "My Therapist says you're being bitchy" or "I took a course where they told us..." or "Dear Abby says..."

Wisdom resonates differently in each of us, and none of us can claim a monopoly on it, but we can't count on blackmailers to insist, by pulling selective quotes, comments, teachings, and writings from a host of sources, that there is just one truth...Theirs.

Snow Peas

Last night history was made in the Campbell/Scott household. For the last (almost) year I have been trying to get (BIG)Shawn to eat vegetables. The first time we went to dinner with my parents he ordered chicken fried rice or something and when they sat his plate down he got this scared panicky look on his face because it had peas in it! Every time I make dinner I of course do a vegetable and he never eats it. I love just about all vegetables and so does (little) Shawn, he could eat a whole plate of broccoli only. However, for some reason we just can't get the SR. Campbell to do the same.

So like I said history was made last night. The other day we went shopping for books and I picked up Rachel Ray's cookbook and The Desperate Housewives cookbook. I made something from the DH book from Gabbriele's section. Sweet and Tangy chicken...with snow peas.....Well I diced, sliced, and stir fried everything....and ta-da...He ate the peas and not only did he eat them he ENJOYED them! I was so excited! I know, I know, it's just vegetables, but I'm the type of person's who's moved by the little things. So I think now I should make snow peas every night!!!

I cheated :-(

I'm a cheater. I swore I would never do it but today I gave in and.....I joined Facebook. I think I like it better then MySpace (shh don't tell Tom) So if you know my last name look me up and add me.....

Emotional Blackmail

In my short little life I've been in a few relationships with people that were emotionally draining, emotionally abusive and as I am now learning...emotionally blackmailing me. There is a situation that Shawn and I are currently dealing with that doesn't seem to be changing any time soon. For the last 3 months or so we have done everything within our power to try and change the other people involved. But we can't. The change has to first start within Shawn and I. Both of us are completely drained and beat down from the goings on of this thing. So today I did some research online for material that would help us deal with this.

And I found a book called "Emotional Blackmail". It's about people in your life who use fear, obligation, guilt, and manipulation to get what they want.

In this last months every person has found reason to point the blame on us to point to us why things aren't being rectified. I just started the book and on page 13 it offered it's first nugget of insight....

If people genuinely want to resolve conflict with you in a fair and caring way, they will:

*Talk openly about the conflict with you
*Find out about your feelings
*Find out why you are resisting what they want
*Accept responsibility for their part of the conflict

...You can be angry with someone without trying to beat them up emotionally. Disagreements, even strong ones, don't have to be mixed with insults or negative judgements.

If someones primary goal is to win, he or she will:
*Try to control you
*Ignore your protests
*Insist that his or her character and motives are superior to yours
*Avoid taking any responsibility for the problems between you

When you see that other people are trying to get their way regardless of the cost to you, you're looking at the bottom-line behavior of the emotional blackmailer.

It was so refreshing to see that what we had been feeling was real and quite frankly valid. Emotional blackmail is a viscous cycle that I know I've been on for a long time now. Its completely exhausting and I'm ready to get off the crazy carousal ride and move on.

I'm sure that as I delve further into the book other things will pop up, so I'll be posting them...Hope you don't mind......

Pictures of furniture

Chair from Ethan Allen: Now I do have to say that this picture makes the chair look likes it pleather and really ugly! But we are getting it upholstered in a zebra print (predominately black print). I couldn't find that online. When the chair comes in I'll get a picture. Oh and we're getting the ottoman too which has a storage compartment in it.





Living room set: (Just a picture of sofa)



Our new bed from Pottery Barn: Not sure what color, debating between white or black (of course)

Let my words be few

This song used to one of my favorite worship songs and it just popped in my head today and I've been singing it all day....

You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

Chorus:
And I'll stand in awe of You, Jesus
Yes, I'll stand in awe of You
And I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

The simplest of all love songs
I want to bring to You
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

*Phillips, Craig, and Dean

The chorus always got me. I am always in awe of what God does in my life and in the lives of others around me. I may be 900 miles away from where I should be, I'll admit that. But when it comes to God's power and is infinite love for his child I can't help but smile. There really isn't anything else to say other then "I'm in awe of you God"

Furniture Shopping

We are now finally at the 2 month mark of the big moving day. I know Shawn's excited and we just told little Shawn (aka The Kid) last night and he was like "So when the clock says 2, we move to the city?" But I am extremely excited! Like totally bursting at the seems! I'm so ready to get out of Baltimore. We have had 209 murders this year, that is up 30 since last year. So I've started furniture shopping. I asked Shawn if we moved if we could get all new stuff. I'm huge, huge black and white fan. (remember the wedding colors) So I decided to do the apartment in black and white with silver and red accents. We started furniture shopping a few weeks ago. I found this really great couch at Ikea of all places. I didn't really expect to find a living room set I liked but we found this great white leather set! I really wanted white furniture but was hesitant to get white because of the stain factor, so I thought of going with a black and white print. But when we went to Ikea the other weekend we saw the one we really liked. Then Saturday we went to Ethan Allen and found this great sleeper sofa/chair. Its a bit bigger then a regular chair, it's a little smaller then a loveseat. We got that in a black and white zebra print! I totally, totally love it!! It takes 12 weeks to come in :-( So I won't get to see it for awhile.

In preparation of the move of been going through some of my things trying to declutter. The one drawback of New York apartments is that they are small of course. So I cleaned my closet out Thursday and had hoards, and hoards of clothes that I didn't want anymore. I was just going to take them to the thrift store but saw a commercial Friday about this place called Plato's Closet that buys your stuff. So we pack the car up and drive over there. I had 2 rubbermaid containers filled with stuff and they took 4 things!!!!!!! They were like "Sorry but because of the condition your stuff is in" I was like "The condition! You've got to be kidding me!" My stuff is in great, great condition. I even had Gucci bag in there and they didn't want it. It was the weirdest thing! So we just took the stuff to the Salvation. Now I have like a 100 books that I need to get rid of. Anyone want to buy them??????

We can't start apartment hunting yet because its too soon. I've called a couple agencies and they told us to get back to them the beginning of next month. One place I found 3 of my favorites and I have my fingers crossed that they are still there next month.

Giving your baby away

1 Kings 3:16-27

16 Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17 One of them said, "My lord, this woman and I live in the same house. I had a baby while she was there with me. 18 The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.

19 "During the night this woman's son died because she lay on him. 20 So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. 21 The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn't the son I had borne."

22 The other woman said, "No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours."
But the first one insisted, "No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine." And so they argued before the king.

23 The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' "

24 Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. 25 He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other."

26 The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!"
But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!"

27 Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother."