I'm only 19...But

Being a 19 year old engaged woman, girl, lady whatever, your bound to get a lot of raised eyebrows. A lot of "No offense, but...." lectures, a lot of nasty comments. I don't take it seriously at all because a lot of what is said is said out of ignorance. Ignorance because they don't know me, nor do they know Shawn. There are millions of 19-20 year old people out there who are nothing more then over grown kids with the ability to buy cigarettes and go to the club on Wednesday and Thursday night. But then there are those special few who at times can act like kids (but people of all ages act childish) but for all intent purpose are very mature. And I as well as my friend Ashley fall into the latter category. I was thinking the other day what really makes me different then the 19 year old kids that I know? Some of you who read my blog know me and know all the tragic details of Mistake 2004. But some of you don't know me at all...So here's why I think I'm different. When I was 15 I went to Bible School and I met a guy who we will call "Nathan". Nathan immediately expressed great interest in me and before I knew it (and against my better judgement) I was in a relationship with him. The next thing I know he's talking marriage plans with me and his grandfather is seeing "visions" of our future. Then one cold day in February I was handed a piece of rice glued to gold yarn and I was....engaged....at 16. It took a few months to finally wake up and realize that I was living a nightmare and that if I didn't stop this train wreck that was Nathan, I was going to be living in my parents basement with 4 kids, working at TCBY. I never loved him, I never wanted to marry, and I never even wanted to date him, but I felt bad for him. His family constantly told me how much he had changed since I had been with him and how much "promise" he had, now because of me. So what's a 16 year old girl supposed to do? She zips her lips and screams in side her head. But on the weekend of Labor Day of the same year I woke up and decided to take hold of my life. I mailed him the ring and never looked back. Since my engagement a lot of questions surround me. "Are you sure your ready?" "How do you really know you love him?" "Maybe your just caught up in the hoopla of the wedding?" "You don't really know what love is" Well I have realized, I am very confidante that I am ready to marry, I am very confidante that this is not about my Pretty, Pretty, Princess Day, and I know that I love him. I was 16, engaged, and planning a wedding, but yet I was able to separate all the hysteria and hoopla of The Day and realized I was NOT ready. And know I'm 3 years older and a lot has happen in those three years and I think, scratch that, I KNOW that if I felt the same way that I did 3 years ago, I would make a change.

I may be inexperienced in a lot of things, not well traveled, have typos in my emails, or be able to buy alcohol. However, I've been through a lot and have never been more sure of my future then I am right at this very moment.