One of my Issues

This weekend Shawn had to go to NY to pick up some equipment. He originally was going to go by himself but at the last minute one of his managers invited the 3 of us to stay with them for the weekend and hang out. At first I was pretty excited to get away for a weekend. We got to the city on Friday and had to go over to the now closed Sony Studios to pick up equipment and help his manager move stuff and pack it up to take to his house and store for the new studio. After all of the packing we had a 2-hour trip to Pomona, NY. According to everyone the trip only takes 20 minutes or so, but his manager was driving a big box truck with the equipment and had to take a residential route. Like I said I was pretty excited for the weekend, but on our hour long trek Upstate I got really nervous. You see over the last 3 years or so I have developed this huge fear of meeting new people. I have no idea how it happened, but it was like one day I woke up and was ridiculously shy.

When I was younger I was around 9 or 10 I used to hate having to talk to adults. My mom would ask me to call Mrs. So and So about the church play or whatever and I would have to go to my room and practice what I would say. Sometimes I even cried (in the privacy of my own room of course) or bribed my little sister Abby to do it. Then I turned 11 and my dad started letting me work with him. Over the next year or so I got more responsibility at his company and even had my own clients. Because of being 12 and looking like I was in my 20's (thanks boobs) I knew I couldn't meet with clients or call them on the phone and act like a 12 year old. So some how I got over my fear and was able to talk to adults, banks, mortgage companies, lawyers, or whomever I needed to, to get my job done. From the age of 12 until I was about 17 I was extremely outgoing. I loved talking to people, I loved meeting new people. One of my old friends and I would go to the mall or whatever and chat up random people, invite to church or whatever. I was a major people person.

So fast-forward to the present. Now when I know I am going to be in situations where I have to meet new people and conversate I get so nervous I almost want to cry! Saturday night we had a little BBQ at his manager’s house. Shawn's partner and his girlfriend, and one of his other managers and his wife were all supposed to be there. That made me feel a little more comfortable because there would be so many people I wouldn't have to worry about talking much. But they didn't show! It ended up just being the 3 of us (me, Shawn, and little Shawn) and his manager and his wife, and the couple from next door and their little boy. When I found out I made Shawn promise he wouldn't leave me by myself. He stayed with me for a good little bit and then disappeared. Towards the end of the evening I started feeling a little more comfortable.

Later that night Shawn and I started talking about me new "shyness". The conclusion we came up with is age. He said when he was younger he used to be how I am now, but as he got older he got more comfortable and now is a total people person. I sometimes joke that I'm anti-socially and simply don't like people. But that’s not entirely true. Some people do annoy the hell out of me, but for most of the time I tolerate people just fine. I really do long for the days where the prospect of meeting new people didn't make me want to run and hide. I really hope that as I get older this "phase" phases its self out and I can find a healthy balance.

I may not have overcome my fear of people this weekend, but here is what I did gain....

1. We got a new MAC. This is the biggest thing because my laptop was on its last leg!

2. Shawn got new equipment. Good for him, sad for me, because now I loose my nightly TV partner...But like Shawn always says, "Momma needs shoes"

And the best thing that came out of a weekend in NY was....

3. I confirmed that The Little Mermaid really is coming to Broadway!!!!!!! I am the biggest, biggest Mermaid fan ever!!! We were driving through Harlem trying to get to Pomona, NY and I turned to my right and I see this huge sticker advertising it on the side of the bus! I couldn't have been happier!